I enjoy being alone. It allows for me to recharge and check myself. Dive into my interests, really hone in on me. That's important. It is important for maintaining healthy relationships. It is easy for me to get lost in another person, totally melt into them. For me, I need to step away for some air; some stillness. I am enjoying the relationships in my life; they are few and full. I am carefully choosing my time with the people in my life. I love the life they all bring into me and what I bring for them. It is a shared presence that I value so highly in this simple everyday life. I am not choosing to be alone to get away from people and their problems, I am choosing to be alone to be there for myself and my own problems.
To one friend, I'll be the one that listens to every single word she says without a peep on my end. The only reason I'm able my undivided attention with her is because I've already spilled my guts to another friend that hardly had a peep on her end. This exchange is the beauty of interpersonal relationships. A give and receive exchange. Receive that person for who they are and give them the attention that they are sharing with you at that moment. We can only share ourselves when we fully know ourselves and this is only possible in times of introspection and stillness.
It is easy to become annoyed with another person when they are taking attention away from you. This happens when I haven't been by myself long enough. Long enough to let the feeling of anger, sadness, despair, confusion, frustration all boil up and dissipate. To listen to myself for once, give myself my own attention.To cease the projection onto others and be present with myself so that I may be present with the people and my surroundings.
If I were always communicating with you then I'd begin to have a hard time formulating my own thoughts. The lines will start to blur and we will begin to enmesh. This is fun for a good while but it drains me. I must be away for some time to fill my cup back up but don't worry because I'll show up again with more love to give.
Life is best spent with others but I'm reconsidering the whole idea of the married couple. We choose one person to spend practically all of our time with, this is unhealthy. Unless the couple is able to be together yet separate. Separate in the sense that we are our own person and live independently yet in harmony. Share presence rather than compete, scold, compare, resent, and punish the person we are in contact with. This is considered taking it out on the other person. This is irresponsible because we are not dealing with our emotions by ourselves. We are not attending to our bodies. Instead, we are putting it all on someone else's shoulders and making them feel our pain. This is not what we are here for.We are here to share life with each other. We do not owe each other anything. What we owe to ourselves is respect, undivided attention when needed, and honesty.
These are the relationships I am cultivating. A union of shared breath and love with myself and everyone in this life.
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