A lump in my throat. I did not dare to cry or make an effort to be seen because that would make people not love me even more than before due to my uncomfortable feelings. I hid my hurt, I hid my will to be and sucked it back up inside of me where it lay to fester and churn to only be brought up time and time again. A brick lay heavy on my chest, a rope tight around my neck and a burden heavy on my back. When will the day come to pass where these are lifted up and off, never to be felt again? I am ready for that day. My eyes, they are tired. A tired that I can no longer hide. A feeling that I no longer want to carry. I look in the mirror sometimes and always see midnight blue half moons under my eyes and all I can think of is, "I need more sleep, I need to get more sleep." So, then I "try" and my efforts are thwarted with resistance from my mind. All I want to do have in my life right now is consistent, restorative sleep. A night uninterrupted by terrifying dreams that wake me mid-rest. A full 8 hours, no breaks in between. Please !?!!?! What's it going to take for me to let go and live. To breathe in and out with ease and strength. To speak up and allow myself to be everything yet nothing. It is all that I need, truly.