A letter to Me...for You.

Oh, how that taste lingers. That familiar taste of something lingering in the air. I am caught between my intuition and my fear. Which is lying; which is real and looking out for me? Self-sabotage is real; it is there. I cling to the fear of never good enough; nothing right, everything is wrong. I learned to manipulate the emotions of others to feel something that I could never find. But, I just knew it was lingering somewhere deep in the caverns of my heart. In the dark deep caves where I did not dare to go; posted: NO TRESPASSING. But, everyone I meet leads me back to that place. They lead me back to the dark corners of my mind. To the darkest corners of my body. Holding me down, dragging me behind to that place I used to be. Holding on for dear life ! The fire idling; the corpse deteriorating and slowly decaying. No energy; just stagnating melancholy. How will I ignite the fire? Anger rising, emotions surpassing. Those emotions stirring inside, rustling the dead leaves. Learning to allow the dead to fall peacefully; lovingly, with no attachment and no degree of what is right or wrong. Why must I resist the heat? Why must I hold on to everything that doesn't serve me? I am addicted to the taste of malice and decree. I'd like to be friends with you but sometimes we meet each other with the taste of distrust and fear which only leads to misunderstanding and finger pointing. And that is when I know; I must go into my cave and swim in the depths of the sea to find me. Go in there and find the one hiding; the one crying and just hold her. Hold Me, and love Me. That is my responsibility. I beg of you to not take on the task. No matter how hard I try to be seen and felt pity for. No matter how hard I cry and stamp my feet. This is mine own. You owe me nothing; as I own none of it. Humble me, forgive me when I am down; when I have presented my arrogance to you for a turn in the wheel of life. To survive, surpass, and steal. The shadows in my heart are there; I can no longer deny them. So, leave me to find love in the pool of tears, in the waters of loss, and in the blood of life. And know that they serve me well when I do not place on top an opinion of which is right or wrong and know that it is all one.