I've come to suck your BLOOD

I can't
this place is stale, rotting...
I can't
I can't move any longer like a snake making the same mistakes, biting it's own tail; like a child without a Mother or Father to hold her in times of pain
I can't
I can't do this any longer, marking the words of one's past and ensuring that it lasts
I can't do this any longer, this place is stale....where I have been & keep going back to,
Wondering if the taste will change with time.

I stand & wonder if the Earth has anything else to feed me; because I feel hungry, Mother.
This place is dripping from the seams with sadist content, I just can't any longer.

Jesters with masks, they all performed so well. Who are you trying to impress tonight?
Did you practice 3 days a week; made sure all the instruments were tuned and intact.
Did you go through your whole week leading up to tonight, missing the days gone by because all you were thinking of was tonight and how you will look, how you will sound, who will be there to make you smile, make you feel something you don't know for your self?
But excuse me, you can't give something you don't have and you can't fool me ! 
I was bored after seeing all of your expressions and emotionless movements.
You are just good at performing & a performance is cheap and prone to mechanical disease.
My pockets are empty, only keys clinking like handcuffs reminding me of my life that I signed up for. Sigh, this isn't even what I want.
 Pinned, trying to dance & sing my way free from these shackles that bind me.

I bought my first pack of cigarettes last night, because the thought & act of smoking a cigarette would bring me closer to You and it was my only option at that point. It worked, for what it was. The aroma brought me back where I was looking to be. The nicotine; love drunk and ready to close my eyes from all of this. I have loved the smell of a cigarette when it is first lit; ever since I can remember. But, I just always knew it was bad news to smoke. As a docent young girl in the backseat of the car, I liked it; a lot.  & I have always loved the way smoke lifted like a snake from the burning end. There wasn't anyone there that I wanted to speak to or even be by. I tried talking to a dude dressed up as Edward Scissorhands and he just stared at me. I'd tell a story or joke and of course I'd laugh at myself but most of the time people just stare at me. So, instead; I sat and admired all the people in the building. All the costumes and people dancing, like a fly on the wall; I sat. But there was no one there to sit with and be with. There wasn't anyone there to share my mind with. So, I left and smoked a cigarette on the way home and tried listening to music that'd take me where I needed to be. I felt more embraced in the darkness of my car with the smoke circling in and through me. A cool wind flowing through my windows and the thick fog surrounding me as I moped on down the 46. I felt more embraced in that 40 minutes then I did in that establishment filled with jokers & thieves. I needed something last night. I needed something; I really did. Maybe it was just myself and I've been looking for Me in all of You. But come to find out, Me is kinda boring and really fucking weird. I'll probably say something to hurt you and you'll end up not liking me anyways. I'll make you think twice about yourself & what you believe to be true; because that's all I do in my free time.  I'll jump up and down like a child because all this energy in me just needs to be released. I'll dance with my arms wide and swinging; along with my hips and winged feet. But I still feel alone even when the Stars, Moon and Sky are dancing with me. There is just no comparison of shared union with your same species. With someone that has a mind of yours and with someone whose heart beats in tune with you.  But I'm serious, who wants to hear theories about human evolution & talk about aliens, or poke fun at each other and laugh at our dumb selves & the dumb shit we do. I'm still feeling lonely and the cheap substitutes I keep bringing in don't last very long. They are stale in comparison and it seems that all I can afford these days is just that. Cheap and fast.