When do you know how to follow your intuition? Some days I just want to throw my hands up and stop listening to everybody talking and actually think for myself for a minute. Stop listening to all of their opinions. All of their set views on how things should be. What you need to do is this, what needs to happen is this because of this and that and this because of that and this. NO. I do not want to live my life in constant control. I need the freedom and peace of mind to choose what I would like to do with my time here in existence. You have no clue what that may be, so don't go around throwing your carefully planned safety net over me or your vane validity of reasoning down my throat. I will not sit comfortably. I mean do you ever experience anything if you are always trying to be something? Always looking for some sort of validation or reasoning or acceptance from somebody else. I say, fuck that. I'm tired of people telling me what I should or shouldn't be doing. They don't know what's good for me or what I need to be doing with my life. Don't give me your opinion when you aren't in my body to make the choice.
Does this make me vane? Thinking that no one knows what is right for myself. I don't t\think so, I think we sacrifice ourselves so often for someone else's dream or play along with their game that we forget on the surface level of what truly makes us happy and what will make our heart jump up and down every single day of our lives. It isn't money, it isn't a trailer, it isn't a home, it isn't a car, it isn't a carefully planned thought out, perfectly remedied idea of a life that will bring us the most joy. It is the simplicity and appreciation for our very own breathe and heartbeat and that of everyone else's on this planet. Every species, every plant, every water of body and so on. Yet, why do we believe that we have to create this fool proof plan that will work out perfectly and create this never ending cycle of never enough. Why is it so hard to want what we have? Why does it always have to be on to the next thing when had just begun.
Can't we just take off our clothes and run through the sprinklers at night?
Are we all lying to ourselves?
Thinking this is it.
What are you waiting for?
Monday, August 11, 2014
Wednesday, August 6, 2014
Inadequate Lover, nope not I !
So, here I am sitting in my new boyfriends room on his bed while he is passed out full clad, beanie and all diagonally on the bed. I will have to move his lump of a body when I finally decide to shut my eyes and get some rest. He looks so cute when he is sleeping, On his side with both of his hands under his head, innocent and handsome with his beard. Not that his beard makes him innocent but more so the slight sound of his breath coming from his half opened mouth, with his arms and hands tucked under his head like an extra pillow. Okay, I'm going to have to stop typing and take a picture. Now I understand why I always woke up to my Dad with a camera sneakily in his hand, snapping pictures of me while I slept.
We are all so innocent when we are sleeping, off in dreamland. If we could take that innocence and bring it into our daily lives then I do believe the world would be a much kinder place. It is so easy to forget to love and forget the simple joys in everyday life. It is too easy to let your mind race back n' forth, silently talking yourself into believing things that aren't even real. Fears. They'll getcha good. So wrapped up in yourself, so caught up, wound up into a tense ball that all you can do is bounce from wall to wall, entertaining the dreaded nightmare of what may or may not come into play. Then again, it is a choice. A choice of what it is that you want to believe. Be live. To come alive. It is your choice whether you'd like it to be something good for you or like me on tough days choose to have worries that you are not good enough or that you just can't possibly handle someone else's emotions and past life experiences let alone your own.
What about me ? What about my life ? My dreams, my goals, my desires. What about ME ! I scream as I drift into no man's land. Well, I've come to realize that it isn't just about me, it's about everyone. Most importantly the person that is willing to give me all of them. All of their love, all of their past, present and future and here I am stuck on things that are seemingly "not right". Well love isn't right or wrong, it just is. It's something you feel, it is something you know and believe in and hold on to when shit is tough. It isn't easy either. It's hard to give yourself to someone else. You don't have to give up yourself but you do have to give. Everyday. And I'm learning each day to let go and love. For all that there is because why not ? What do you have to lose but everything and when you do lose everything what do you have? You have freedom.
These last couple months since meeting Clayton has been a whirlwind of change. Great change ! Scary stuff, really. and I catch myself on days becoming fearful of not being able to love someone else as much as they love me or do as much as he does for me. Inadequate lover. But I want to be the best ! I really do. I want to love him with all my heart, I want to bring a smile to his face every morning, every day, every night. Why do I feel like I won't be able to do this ? I find myself getting upset when he is having fun and drinking. I grow bitter and resentful. I start pointing the finger and thinking that he shouldn't be doing that and start judging him and I know that these feelings are coming from my past with my Mom. Alcohol and partying are synonymous with my Mom drowning her sorrows in beer and alcohol while growing up. Wasting her life away in worry and stress over regrets and fears.
They were always partying, it seemed as though that's all that mattered. They would spend all their money on alcohol and drugs and lock themselves in their room every weekend. Then stress later on in the week or the end of the month how they would pay for the mortgage, or pay for anything really. It was always, "We don't have any money." ,"We can't do that.", "Go ask your Dad for money." It made me sad to see my Mom unhappy and so drunk that she could barely talk and hold a conversation with her kids. Slurring her words and making jokes about myself and other people around her. I never understood it but now that I can look at it from a different perspective I am able to let go of a lot of those feelings of resentment against her for not being there for me and not supporting me or encouraging me growing up. I started seeing her with loving eyes and respect. I stopped condemning her for her mistakes and choices. Instead I loved her. I remember one night, we were talking in her room and I could tell that something had been bothering her so I asked what was wrong and she just hugged me and said that she was sorry. That she was sorry for being such a bad mom and it broke my heart to know that she felt that way. Because she wasn't a bad mom, she was doing her best to support us and deal with her own emotions and yet here I was condemning her for not thinking of me or caring about me when she was dealing with things far greater than I could ever imagine. Yet it was though her own fear of being an inadequate Mom that actually withdrew her from being a caring Mom to her children. I don't want to be that way and I sometimes see myself taking on that role. Playing into that fear of inadequacy and doubt, withdrawing from the situation. The reality of it all. Becoming resentful and bitter towards life when really I should be grateful and looking forward to all the great things to come.
I will not let my fear of being an inadequate friend, co-worker, person, lover and someday mother withdraw me from all that is beautiful and great in this life! I will embrace each day as it comes and love my family, friends, and boyfriend with compassion and understanding as best as I can. Great things happen when you let go and let your love lead the way.
We are all so innocent when we are sleeping, off in dreamland. If we could take that innocence and bring it into our daily lives then I do believe the world would be a much kinder place. It is so easy to forget to love and forget the simple joys in everyday life. It is too easy to let your mind race back n' forth, silently talking yourself into believing things that aren't even real. Fears. They'll getcha good. So wrapped up in yourself, so caught up, wound up into a tense ball that all you can do is bounce from wall to wall, entertaining the dreaded nightmare of what may or may not come into play. Then again, it is a choice. A choice of what it is that you want to believe. Be live. To come alive. It is your choice whether you'd like it to be something good for you or like me on tough days choose to have worries that you are not good enough or that you just can't possibly handle someone else's emotions and past life experiences let alone your own.
What about me ? What about my life ? My dreams, my goals, my desires. What about ME ! I scream as I drift into no man's land. Well, I've come to realize that it isn't just about me, it's about everyone. Most importantly the person that is willing to give me all of them. All of their love, all of their past, present and future and here I am stuck on things that are seemingly "not right". Well love isn't right or wrong, it just is. It's something you feel, it is something you know and believe in and hold on to when shit is tough. It isn't easy either. It's hard to give yourself to someone else. You don't have to give up yourself but you do have to give. Everyday. And I'm learning each day to let go and love. For all that there is because why not ? What do you have to lose but everything and when you do lose everything what do you have? You have freedom.
These last couple months since meeting Clayton has been a whirlwind of change. Great change ! Scary stuff, really. and I catch myself on days becoming fearful of not being able to love someone else as much as they love me or do as much as he does for me. Inadequate lover. But I want to be the best ! I really do. I want to love him with all my heart, I want to bring a smile to his face every morning, every day, every night. Why do I feel like I won't be able to do this ? I find myself getting upset when he is having fun and drinking. I grow bitter and resentful. I start pointing the finger and thinking that he shouldn't be doing that and start judging him and I know that these feelings are coming from my past with my Mom. Alcohol and partying are synonymous with my Mom drowning her sorrows in beer and alcohol while growing up. Wasting her life away in worry and stress over regrets and fears.
They were always partying, it seemed as though that's all that mattered. They would spend all their money on alcohol and drugs and lock themselves in their room every weekend. Then stress later on in the week or the end of the month how they would pay for the mortgage, or pay for anything really. It was always, "We don't have any money." ,"We can't do that.", "Go ask your Dad for money." It made me sad to see my Mom unhappy and so drunk that she could barely talk and hold a conversation with her kids. Slurring her words and making jokes about myself and other people around her. I never understood it but now that I can look at it from a different perspective I am able to let go of a lot of those feelings of resentment against her for not being there for me and not supporting me or encouraging me growing up. I started seeing her with loving eyes and respect. I stopped condemning her for her mistakes and choices. Instead I loved her. I remember one night, we were talking in her room and I could tell that something had been bothering her so I asked what was wrong and she just hugged me and said that she was sorry. That she was sorry for being such a bad mom and it broke my heart to know that she felt that way. Because she wasn't a bad mom, she was doing her best to support us and deal with her own emotions and yet here I was condemning her for not thinking of me or caring about me when she was dealing with things far greater than I could ever imagine. Yet it was though her own fear of being an inadequate Mom that actually withdrew her from being a caring Mom to her children. I don't want to be that way and I sometimes see myself taking on that role. Playing into that fear of inadequacy and doubt, withdrawing from the situation. The reality of it all. Becoming resentful and bitter towards life when really I should be grateful and looking forward to all the great things to come.
I will not let my fear of being an inadequate friend, co-worker, person, lover and someday mother withdraw me from all that is beautiful and great in this life! I will embrace each day as it comes and love my family, friends, and boyfriend with compassion and understanding as best as I can. Great things happen when you let go and let your love lead the way.
Friday, March 21, 2014
Evolved, envisioned self
I have met you
I have felt you
without the touch of my hand
how is this so?
Will I hold on in hopes of furthering my growth
or will you shake me off, as if I were a past ghost
Coming back around to uncover your last foes.
A journey taken, a journey coming to fruition upon waited reunion
Returning to fulfill a loving, mutual vision of hope and lasting growth
Will you turn me away in dismay,
fearing what may come into play each rising day ?
Or will you trust in this love
& stay.
I have met you
I have felt you
without the touch of my hand
how is this so?
Will I hold on in hopes of furthering my growth
or will you shake me off, as if I were a past ghost
Coming back around to uncover your last foes.
A journey taken, a journey coming to fruition upon waited reunion
Returning to fulfill a loving, mutual vision of hope and lasting growth
Will you turn me away in dismay,
fearing what may come into play each rising day ?
Or will you trust in this love
& stay.
Sunday, February 23, 2014
Saturday, February 22, 2014
A worry is worth nothing yet it twists, pulls, turns, stops, twists some more all while awaiting it's predetermined lie, which will soon reveal itself in due time.
A worry will blind you, it does not think logically or with an open heart on any level.
There is no inch of faith that it carries to lovingly guide you.
It will hurt you.
It will make you think that maybe he tenderly touches and warmly embraces every woman like this.
It will make you think that maybe you are not the only one.
It will make you think that maybe you are nothing more than a place to house his desire.
It will make you think that maybe he does not feel that same fire burning in and through your entire body.
And if he does, what if I do something to put that fire out?
I don't want that fire to be put out.
I want to keep it alive, add more and more to it.
I want to see it rise & stay in the heavens
Yet worrying about whether a fire exists or not ultimately prevents it from further burning.
It covers it with all it has and everything it doesn't, smothers it into nothing.
Creates something that doesn't have to be, oh but it will if that is what you choose to believe.
& who is this girl ! A friend tells me it's his lady friend. I don't want to know that ! I didn't even ask. I suppose you had already read my mind.
Worries.
& says look over there, points to them talking together across the way. He's smiling, see that's a good sign, isn't it?
I agreed and silently tried to push away my worries & and hoping none of them would come true.
I continued through the night, keeping hold my ground, telling myself that it wasn't true.
But my worries were breaking it down, everything was coming loose, I could feel my feet trying to find a place to keep and be.
I knew there was someone else. There always is, isn't there ?
I've been here before, will a change ever come?
I will never be the one.
Worries, worries, worries.
Stop it, stop it, stop it !
You are fine.
Enjoy your time.
So just upon the release of our goodbye, I asked with hormonal and drunken stupor,
"Do you do this stuff with girls often?"
He tells me no.
But your friend told me that you have a lady friend.
Poor guy, he has no idea of anything & I just released all my ugly worries in a frenzy !
Why must I make everything about me?
Take them back, take it back!
Come free.
Now I have really teared it open.
No, no, no...
So he tells me, "All that matters is what we create together. Look inward, find your inner strength."
Sometimes I dislike being a woman who is so willing and able to love fully, and then to have it be magnified by ten upon full cycle is just the bees knees.
My vulnerability has left me with jagged edges and leftover worries.
A change has come.
Perfect timing, as always.
A worry will blind you, it does not think logically or with an open heart on any level.
There is no inch of faith that it carries to lovingly guide you.
It will hurt you.
It will make you think that maybe he tenderly touches and warmly embraces every woman like this.
It will make you think that maybe you are not the only one.
It will make you think that maybe you are nothing more than a place to house his desire.
It will make you think that maybe he does not feel that same fire burning in and through your entire body.
And if he does, what if I do something to put that fire out?
I don't want that fire to be put out.
I want to keep it alive, add more and more to it.
I want to see it rise & stay in the heavens
Yet worrying about whether a fire exists or not ultimately prevents it from further burning.
It covers it with all it has and everything it doesn't, smothers it into nothing.
Creates something that doesn't have to be, oh but it will if that is what you choose to believe.
& who is this girl ! A friend tells me it's his lady friend. I don't want to know that ! I didn't even ask. I suppose you had already read my mind.
Worries.
& says look over there, points to them talking together across the way. He's smiling, see that's a good sign, isn't it?
I agreed and silently tried to push away my worries & and hoping none of them would come true.
I continued through the night, keeping hold my ground, telling myself that it wasn't true.
But my worries were breaking it down, everything was coming loose, I could feel my feet trying to find a place to keep and be.
I knew there was someone else. There always is, isn't there ?
I've been here before, will a change ever come?
I will never be the one.
Worries, worries, worries.
Stop it, stop it, stop it !
You are fine.
Enjoy your time.
So just upon the release of our goodbye, I asked with hormonal and drunken stupor,
"Do you do this stuff with girls often?"
He tells me no.
But your friend told me that you have a lady friend.
Poor guy, he has no idea of anything & I just released all my ugly worries in a frenzy !
Why must I make everything about me?
Take them back, take it back!
Come free.
Now I have really teared it open.
No, no, no...
So he tells me, "All that matters is what we create together. Look inward, find your inner strength."
Sometimes I dislike being a woman who is so willing and able to love fully, and then to have it be magnified by ten upon full cycle is just the bees knees.
My vulnerability has left me with jagged edges and leftover worries.
A change has come.
Perfect timing, as always.
Tuesday, February 18, 2014
Electromagnetic Vampires
What are you living for ?
What is it that you are breathing into yourself each passing wave?
Mindless thoughts consuming, drowning, suffocating your entire being.
To only castrate you undoubtedly into a land of nothing.
Are you lost, half- dead in head space ?
Cut from the world of ethereal beauty and grace.
Solemn.
Pinned to the wheel of self-disgrace.
What are you living for ?
What is it that you are breathing into yourself each passing wave?
Is it money, cars, women?
Is it alcohol, drugs, weapons or nothing at all ?
Wasteful.
Restless.
Over-expenditure of poignant pity.
What are you living for ?
What is it that you are breathing into yourself each passing wave?
Ungrateful.
Anxious.
Electromagnetic Vampires weave through the burning sun, draining all that makes us one by believing that you are the only one.
What is it that you are breathing into yourself each passing wave?
Mindless thoughts consuming, drowning, suffocating your entire being.
To only castrate you undoubtedly into a land of nothing.
Are you lost, half- dead in head space ?
Cut from the world of ethereal beauty and grace.
Solemn.
Pinned to the wheel of self-disgrace.
What are you living for ?
What is it that you are breathing into yourself each passing wave?
Is it money, cars, women?
Is it alcohol, drugs, weapons or nothing at all ?
Wasteful.
Restless.
Over-expenditure of poignant pity.
What are you living for ?
What is it that you are breathing into yourself each passing wave?
Ungrateful.
Anxious.
Electromagnetic Vampires weave through the burning sun, draining all that makes us one by believing that you are the only one.
Tuesday, February 11, 2014
I thought of you tonight when I looked up at the crescent moon. I smiled to myself because I knew you had looked at it with the same eyes as I do and wasn't alone.
Ya know I've been thinking lately how in this life there is far too much cookie-cutter bullshit getting tossed everywhere only to become stale and eventually trash. The same damn fear keeping people safe in there tiny cookie-cutter mold. I'm starting to wonder if people even feel anything anymore or if they have surely surrendered, keeping themselves pinned to the cyclical wheel of self-disgrace. All too familiar, right? Ego's taking over and turning us all into zombego's...lol.
I already knew that you too carried with you a quiet appreciation and love for the peace that music brings and how it soothes the soul, along with the sun that graces us in the morning and bids us farewell at night, creating an endless array of watercolor skies, and the vast velvet blanket of burning speckles filling up your eyes with a simple mystical delight, waking up to see last night's moon silently fading into the early morning light, and an anticipation of the ocean fog rolling in on a Sunday afternoon...all things simple and beautiful in this life. I've truly never met anyone of the like, have you ?
Sharing a moment of love with another soul is the most real thing in this life that is so often dismissed due to some stupid taboo. I'm talking about a different love too, not the mushy romantic, I need you so desperately or I'll just die love.
We caught eyes and I felt this burst of warm energy surge through my whole body and my mind went to mush, since then it has slowly been put back together in a carefully thought out way. I believe that when it is right, we will live to see another day.
Ya know I've been thinking lately how in this life there is far too much cookie-cutter bullshit getting tossed everywhere only to become stale and eventually trash. The same damn fear keeping people safe in there tiny cookie-cutter mold. I'm starting to wonder if people even feel anything anymore or if they have surely surrendered, keeping themselves pinned to the cyclical wheel of self-disgrace. All too familiar, right? Ego's taking over and turning us all into zombego's...lol.
I already knew that you too carried with you a quiet appreciation and love for the peace that music brings and how it soothes the soul, along with the sun that graces us in the morning and bids us farewell at night, creating an endless array of watercolor skies, and the vast velvet blanket of burning speckles filling up your eyes with a simple mystical delight, waking up to see last night's moon silently fading into the early morning light, and an anticipation of the ocean fog rolling in on a Sunday afternoon...all things simple and beautiful in this life. I've truly never met anyone of the like, have you ?
Sharing a moment of love with another soul is the most real thing in this life that is so often dismissed due to some stupid taboo. I'm talking about a different love too, not the mushy romantic, I need you so desperately or I'll just die love.
We caught eyes and I felt this burst of warm energy surge through my whole body and my mind went to mush, since then it has slowly been put back together in a carefully thought out way. I believe that when it is right, we will live to see another day.
My love is a river; flowing in and through trees, twisting and cleansing thee.
A rapid river at times, languid at most.
My love is a blanket; upon uneasy chicken skin it will diffuse unto gentle breathing.
Suffocating at times, one leg in, one leg out at most.
My love is electrifying; magmatically soothing
A well deep enough to water all beings.
How you choose to receive this gift is up to you.
I have no control if you so choose to swim in this love, how children do during endless Summer days.
Whether you float with sweetness and swim with fluidity or whether you just dip your toes in with slight hesitancy.
I have no control if you so choose to wrap your whole self up in this love, like a breakfast burrito on a rainy afternoon Sunday.
Whether you keep close the warmth all through the night or whether you'd like to kick it off with a slight sudden of fright.
My love is there and will always be.
You may take it and use it however you need but do not be disappointed when it is not something preconceived to what you may have dreamed.
I have come to realize that it is best to share rather than to take and in order to share, you must learn to give.
Monday, February 10, 2014
Wednesday, February 5, 2014
Can dreams become conducive to reality, what if they are essentially at some point, the same thing?
A real dream and your reality fusing beautifully together; your subconscious and your conscious becoming one. Quintessentially birthing a quote en quote "Dreamworld." Oh yes, it is possible you beautiful people !
Let me explain how this may be.
I'm actually not really sure where to begin....
....I had this thought that whatever happens in our real life, all our problems, experiences, things we encounter are created through our subconscious. And as each moment passes, it slowly pushes along trying to lead us to our true selves so that we may become one with the divine. Thus, allowing us to freely create the vivid and beautiful scenes of our lives.
It is up to us to become fully aware of our behavior and our experiences so that we can plant the seeds where they need be sown and watered when need be watered, up until one day the flowers you had wished for are right in front of your eyes growing radically in each and every colorful way just as you had imagined. Blooming out of your own mental image and then perfectly placed in your reality. This is life and this life is whatever you dream it up to be.
When we fall asleep, we dream solely from our subconscious as well in different realms. This allows for our subconscious to take us into dreams that help us solve problems in our real life that we are missing while conscious. The same problems we encounter that keep us from creating the brilliant life we deserve. But what if we are seeking into the wrong dimension for personal resolves and freedom?
A real dream and your reality fusing beautifully together; your subconscious and your conscious becoming one. Quintessentially birthing a quote en quote "Dreamworld." Oh yes, it is possible you beautiful people !
Let me explain how this may be.
I'm actually not really sure where to begin....
....I had this thought that whatever happens in our real life, all our problems, experiences, things we encounter are created through our subconscious. And as each moment passes, it slowly pushes along trying to lead us to our true selves so that we may become one with the divine. Thus, allowing us to freely create the vivid and beautiful scenes of our lives.
It is up to us to become fully aware of our behavior and our experiences so that we can plant the seeds where they need be sown and watered when need be watered, up until one day the flowers you had wished for are right in front of your eyes growing radically in each and every colorful way just as you had imagined. Blooming out of your own mental image and then perfectly placed in your reality. This is life and this life is whatever you dream it up to be.
When we fall asleep, we dream solely from our subconscious as well in different realms. This allows for our subconscious to take us into dreams that help us solve problems in our real life that we are missing while conscious. The same problems we encounter that keep us from creating the brilliant life we deserve. But what if we are seeking into the wrong dimension for personal resolves and freedom?
sporadic spectrum
up high
real low
floatin to and
fro
BE
here now
& embrace the chaotic f l o w.
Heal me free, heal me free
I got the blood of the Sea rippling through my body
I got the blood of the Sea vibrating through my veins
I got the blood of the Sea breathing in my brain
Heal me free, heal me free
I said heal me free
Blood of the Sea
Riding in cars with girls.
Can you turn it up please?
This music sucks but it will do, as long as it drowns you all out.
Head back and dissolve into the clouds, as the car twists, pulls, and turns.
I've given in completely, I am free.
Turn it down once more to speak of nothing !
Please stop wasting your breathe to ruin this perfect moment of nothing.
Best thing that happened today was seeing those black birds fly with grace above me
1...2....3....4....5. Of course there are 5.
Your incessant speak of petty things is making it difficult for me to listen completely
I will give up eventually, in hopes that you might too
Could ya shut up and listen awhile ?!
This is so much fun isn't it ?
Yeah, this is great. I loved what just happened 10 minutes ago.
Let's assure ourselves we are having fun please, I must have lost it.
Yeah, this is so awesome !
I loved that drive, it was so scenic and full of turns.
Could your turn it up please?
PLEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAASE
Speaking upon eggshells, making sure not to offend any egos.
Sometimes it's just better to do things alone.
up high
real low
floatin to and
fro
BE
here now
& embrace the chaotic f l o w.
Heal me free, heal me free
I got the blood of the Sea rippling through my body
I got the blood of the Sea vibrating through my veins
I got the blood of the Sea breathing in my brain
Heal me free, heal me free
I said heal me free
Blood of the Sea
Riding in cars with girls.
Can you turn it up please?
This music sucks but it will do, as long as it drowns you all out.
Head back and dissolve into the clouds, as the car twists, pulls, and turns.
I've given in completely, I am free.
Turn it down once more to speak of nothing !
Please stop wasting your breathe to ruin this perfect moment of nothing.
Best thing that happened today was seeing those black birds fly with grace above me
1...2....3....4....5. Of course there are 5.
Your incessant speak of petty things is making it difficult for me to listen completely
I will give up eventually, in hopes that you might too
Could ya shut up and listen awhile ?!
This is so much fun isn't it ?
Yeah, this is great. I loved what just happened 10 minutes ago.
Let's assure ourselves we are having fun please, I must have lost it.
Yeah, this is so awesome !
I loved that drive, it was so scenic and full of turns.
Could your turn it up please?
PLEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAASE
Speaking upon eggshells, making sure not to offend any egos.
Sometimes it's just better to do things alone.
Thursday, January 2, 2014
Wednesday, January 1, 2014
Why is it that I so often find myself back in the same spot again. What is it that is and is not keeping me from groovin' along the passing of time. Each choice I make, either 1 step forward, or 2 steps back. Where am I when I'm taking that step back, where am I when I choose to make that kind of choice that sends me back on the spinning wheel, 1 step forward, 2 steps back. Pinned to the wheel that jades me deep inside. Lost in a dream, gambling with fate, superstition; lead the way ! What kind of fuckery is this ? So blinded by love, drunk with love. Tumbling into familiarity. Will to be. Chasing half-convinced, an excellent escapist. Reflect onto me relatively. Feel deeply. Love madly. Dance with me.
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