& I got rid of it all. I left it at the door-step. More so, at the Swap Meet. With someone who had a fresh dream and an approach meant to last longer than I had been sitting on. But, once I said Goodbye; I missed it. I wanted it back; two-fold.  Then, I knew that is where I always belonged.
I bought my camera for $600 a couple years back and sold it for $20 a couple weekends ago.  The guy next to me said, "Wow, you just sold that camera to him for twenty bucks?" I said, "Yeah, isn't that what the Swap Meet is for?"

& maybe next time, I will be a little bit more discerning.
A bit more in line with what is love and out of what is desperate and fleeting.

It is nice to just be with people; not ask anything of them. Nor afraid to express yourself in any way.

Life on the Real

I often avoid the truth. The one that seeps through your dreams and spills every forsaken truth imaginable. I try to listen; but I don't want to believe it. I don't want to accept it. It is rather something that lifts me from my reality and brings me to an ether world of serenity and unapologetic reckoning. But it is always there, knocking on my door. Like a glass of water just waiting to be ensued. I am often blind-sided by the reality that fits my fitting. But, 'tis not true when you look down into the well. What are you going to do when the life you have been living isn't the life you want?

There is something that really pulls you when you let it take a hold of you. You can't stop thinking about it, it is just something you have to do. Is it lust? Is it longing? Is it a way to be free from all expectations and developments of the future. What is happening in your world? Is it full of Love? Is it full of Hate? Are you counting on the mistakes to lead you through the day or are your eyes filled with tears of gratitude and absolute grace? Time is ticking away, it is gone each day. You grow a bit older until you are completely gone. It doesn't matter what you accomplish, it does not matter what you did but rather how you did it. How well did you love yourself? How well did you love this life you have been given?

Winter; Here comes Spring, baby!

Takes me awhile to get somewhere. My skin is so dry, there are thoughts that go through my mind that tell me it is because my circulation is slower than normal. That my blood isn't flowing as it should, my life is stagnant, repeating the same old patterns and mistakes. An endless feat that drags me with each pull of wrinkled soft skin. Each line pulling me back to that time where something could be touched and remembered. Time is spinning fast and yet here I am stuck in an unforgettable scene waiting desperately to be set free by any means. I've been pushing a bit harder lately at myself. I see what irresponsibility looks like and it is dreadful. I have felt it. It is desperate for care and attention. Tired and chock full of sugar. My belly is full with information and I am too busy worried about how it looks to even think that their might be some real feeling that could set me free if I were to just let go. But if I let go, then where will I go? I need to know. There needs to be a safe place for me to belong. A place to be free and a place to create from love rather than hate. I want to let this anger go. I want to let this feeling of rejection go. I want to let this need to dramatize my life for attention go. I want to give it UP! It is too heavy a burden to carry; to know that you have hurt someone with your words or actions. I want to be free of this need for victimization and  oh poor, pitiful me. I am ready to embrace myself. The one that I haven't fully met yet, but working real hard to stand alongside Her. I need to know Her. I want to believe in what I am capable for myself not in what I am capable doing for other's approval.


"A Meeting of Two"
03/04/2018

And you were sweet; like sugar on my lips.
You told me everything I wanted to hear; or so you thought.
The act worked; you didn't even have to try.
You shined like Gold and I could feel the light buzzing in my blood- rushed chest.
Is this Heaven sent?
I had no control over my already known persona when you spoke to me; a whole other person took over with every glance & eyes locked in synastry.
I had to look away each time in fear that I would fall in love with you or something crazy like that.

You are New.

Later, I'll laugh and think, "Did I really say that? I am such a goddamn dork. I totally ruined all chances. If only I had said this or that.", all with an inside chuckle and shake of my head.


Let's see if I can keep up; this time seems like the real deal.
I feel closer to riding at lightning speed with someone as bright and warm as you.
Let's just see what we can do; together.