Takes me awhile to get somewhere. My skin is so dry, there are thoughts that go through my mind that tell me it is because my circulation is slower than normal. That my blood isn't flowing as it should, my life is stagnant, repeating the same old patterns and mistakes. An endless feat that drags me with each pull of wrinkled soft skin. Each line pulling me back to that time where something could be touched and remembered. Time is spinning fast and yet here I am stuck in an unforgettable scene waiting desperately to be set free by any means. I've been pushing a bit harder lately at myself. I see what irresponsibility looks like and it is dreadful. I have felt it. It is desperate for care and attention. Tired and chock full of sugar. My belly is full with information and I am too busy worried about how it looks to even think that their might be some real feeling that could set me free if I were to just let go. But if I let go, then where will I go? I need to know. There needs to be a safe place for me to belong. A place to be free and a place to create from love rather than hate. I want to let this anger go. I want to let this feeling of rejection go. I want to let this need to dramatize my life for attention go. I want to give it UP! It is too heavy a burden to carry; to know that you have hurt someone with your words or actions. I want to be free of this need for victimization and oh poor, pitiful me. I am ready to embrace myself. The one that I haven't fully met yet, but working real hard to stand alongside Her. I need to know Her. I want to believe in what I am capable for myself not in what I am capable doing for other's approval.
"A Meeting of Two"
03/04/2018
And you were sweet; like sugar on my lips.
You told me everything I wanted to hear; or so you thought.
The act worked; you didn't even have to try.
You shined like Gold and I could feel the light buzzing in my blood- rushed chest.
Is this Heaven sent?
I had no control over my already known persona when you spoke to me; a whole other person took over with every glance & eyes locked in synastry.
I had to look away each time in fear that I would fall in love with you or something crazy like that.
You are New.
Later, I'll laugh and think, "Did I really say that? I am such a goddamn dork. I totally ruined all chances. If only I had said this or that.", all with an inside chuckle and shake of my head.
Let's see if I can keep up; this time seems like the real deal.
I feel closer to riding at lightning speed with someone as bright and warm as you.
Let's just see what we can do; together.
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