Mudded

I need something. Anything, please? I need this, I need that. But I won't choose any of it, rather let it be force-fed to me in some irrelevant way. And here I sit and wonder why the fuck do I care so much about you? About what you think, what you do, why you do that or why you do this? It is always Why and What? I'm tired of those words. They don't get me anywhere, just speculating in circles wondering if I will ever be able to stop gossiping and spreading false fears. It hurts to know that your 'friends' have never really been your friends, I mean have they? Do they actually love you or do they just need something from me? I feel taken advantage of and I consented unknowingly. Just for a fleeting moment of acceptance. The river isn't running clear now that I have seen what is surrounding the path. What is in the water? Their muddy now, the people in it that I have thought to be what I always wanted & hoped for myself have turned out to be the insecure, ill-meddling snickers & intentional ignoring, uninviting, backstabbing assholes who never liked you as much as you liked them. I bet you liked them more than they will or have ever liked themselves. Only to be liked back? Bullshit, you dug yourself deep to the vanity of another's dream and now look where you are, trapped for something beyond belief. I will eventually forgive you and I will say goodbye to all my love I sent your way. It sincerely & honestly came from me. I hope you are happy talking shit with your loved ones about everyone else but yourself. How boring are you ? Don't come walking my way with your guilt & shame, I am looking for something deeper....a bit more heart-felt.