Spring Cleaning

Convey
Exasperate
& maybe you do have something to say but it is scary to say in fear that it might hurt; with words. Because, they carry what needs to be put on solid ground and followed through with. Continuing the cycle and regeneration of your life's phases.

I am selling my truck that I just bought. The one I really wished for. I jumped up and down in my seat the first time I drove it. But now, the feeling has faded and I just now know that it isn't what I needed after all. So, I will swallow my pride and pass on keeping an image held tight. Perhaps in turn I will yield a greater return. A return that has been received time and time again. Experiences that evoke the feeling of love. I will remember the love that is possible when you let go of all of your shit. I am selling my truck so that I can start riding in airplanes to far away places. Out of my small World and into the World we go. I am selling my smart phone because I am on it too much & the money I get from that will sustain me in more fulfilling ways. Rather than sitting there master-minding all the paths of getting something that I want and hoping for some boy I like to click and open my story. I am selling my phone because I am tired of it bugging me and bringing my attention elsewhere. But, the internet is only a small piece of me. What do I have you believing? This may not work; we are too much a like. I keep thinking of all the reasons far and few in between. I'll eventually hate you for all that you remind me of myself. Or, I might learn to let go of those parts & find a greater love within. But, maybe this time around could be different. Maybe, this experience could switch around from my comfortable and never-ending melancholy and expected disappointment. Maybe, I could let all those stories go; let them fall to the floor and burn in flames with yesterday. I keep asking for another chance. I keep praying for a different way of knowing. A deeper faith dug further into my own well and just allow the truth to spill from my tongue. No regrets. I am Me. Forgive me, forgive you. Too long have I danced in the shadows of yesterday. Still waking up black with soot under my eyes.  Still believing if this could or couldn't. I have been battling these stories; the ones I have been telling myself since I have learned to read and write. I have memorized all their lines. All of these lies I have been telling myself to steer me away from the truth at hand. Easier to believe in some comforting story then making a choice for your freedom.Why must I stray from my truth of all that is Me? I want to be with Her in all forms. I want to hold Her in all delights. I want to know Him in all forms and love Him in all delights as well. But, there is something that holds me down. Is it my past or my pre-conceived notion of the future? Which is already happening now.